Why Get Married?
If so many couples live together prior to getting marriage and if most of those couples don't have a strong belief in, or allegiance to the power of institutions who confer on them the idea of “marriage” them why do so many couples get married? When asked why they are getting married most couples will say something about loving each other, (as if they didn't already). When the vagueness and inadequacy of this answer is pointed out the response becomes a little more detailed and varied. These are examples of what couples say:
“We want to make a public announcement of our commitment to friends and relatives”
“We think that we will start having children and we would like them to have married parents”
“Our friends and family are putting subtle pressure on is by regularly asking us about it”
“ We like the sound of the words 'husband' and 'wife' rather than saying we are with our partner or boyfriend
. “ We want to make a more formal and affirming statement to each other about our commitment to each other.”
“ I have always dreamt of the idea of a wedding for myself when the focus will be on me, and I don't want to miss out on such a special day”
Most couples consider marriage as being a ceremony involving a vow about commitment to each other for life in front of other witnesses. It is as if they voluntarily make themselves accountable to someone other than themselves for the success of their relationship. It seems this vow can be made more definite and have greater strength and meaning if it is placed within a ceremony often involving traditions dating back many centuries. The place of this ceremony also seems important to the couple as they seek somewhere aesthetic, natural, or even grandeur, to make the day more memorable. The involvement of friends and relatives is almost a universal ideal, as is the attempt to make the ceremony customised to the couples requirements.
It seems that nearly every young girl dreams of a wedding day when all the focus is on her and she can feel complete. Merely living together doesn't fulfil this picture and whilst western culture no longer applies the same degree of pressure on couples to get married, the fulfilment of the picture remains as strong as ever.
The difficulty faced by many modern couples is the desire to have a day which formalises their commitment to each other and so belong to the idea and institution of marriage, when they have had little experience or sense of connection to institutions which will most support that sense of belonging. Here is another way to put this: Couples want witnesses and approving support for their relationship which provides a substance, permanence and “concreteness” to their vow (something many of their parents or grandparents had and is embedded in traditions of the past which created the idea of what marriage means). However most young couples have grown up in a society which values independence in thought and action from past ways and the institutions which cultivated the marriage tradition.
This makes it that much more difficult for couples to have an “authentic' wedding where personal desires and traditional context are both catered for. It is fortunate that genuine love can truly conquer all .
A Lesson About Values From “Packed To The Rafters”
There is an excellent family sitcom on Australian television called "Packed To The Rafters" which is about a typical nuclear/extended family,the Rafters, living with each other in the one household. This family consists of husband, wife, the wife's recently widowed father, three adult children,( one of whom is married), all living under the one roof. The exception is one of the sons; he lives next door! The other son has moved back home with his wife to save money. In one of the earlier episodes this young married couple fight an ongoing battle which stemmed from their different backgrounds. He, being a Rafter, is the son of of a hard working electrician living in a modest weatherboard home in suburbia.This family is mostly functional. His wife is an only child coming from a wealthy home, where her father carries on a sham of a marriage, has a mistress, and wants his daughter to share in his wealth. It could be said she "marries beneath her social standing"
Of couse this young couple marry for love and this involves rejecting her parents monetary gifts and the security it offers, in order to gain a sense of independance. The resulting "poverty" after he loses his job results in them staying at the Rafters place rent free. Although the girl's financial situation has changed radically, she is still wanting to spend beyond their means and to accept some gifts from parents to go on expensive holidays. He feels threatened, betrayed, and suffers low self esteem, despite his wife thinking she is acting in a reasonable manner. A year has now passed since their wedding and more issues about differing values are coming to the surface.
I have not watched the next series of this enjoyable programme but we all know that unless this couple address the significant differences in values that they were brought up with, their day to day lives are likely to be full of conflict and unhappiness. Does she value the safe, loving and honest home that the Rafters so exemplify? Does he value the finacial support and gift of independance that her family genuinly want to give to them?
Keep watching.
260 popular, useful and important books for anyone wanting to know more about marriage relationships including your own!
BOOKS
Addiction
Marilyn Freimuth (2008) Addicted? [Rowman & Littlefield, Lanham MD]*
Anger
Archibald Hart & Sharon Hart Morris (2003) Safe Haven [W Publishing, Nashville, TN]
Patricia Evans (2003) The verbally abusive relationships: How to recognise it and how to respond to it [Adams Media, Cincinatti OH]
Gary Jacks Oliver & H Norman Wright (1992) When anger hits home [Moody Press, Chicago]
Annulment
Hugh F Doogan (ed) (1990) Catholic tribunals: marriage, annulment and dissolution [EJ Dwyer, Newtown, NSW]*
Geoffrey Robinson (1984) Marriage, divorce & nullity [Dove, Melbourne]*
Anxiety
P Hanson (1986) The joy of stress [Hanson Stress Management, Islington, Ontario]
Archibald D Hart (1999) The anxiety cure [W publishing, Nashville TN]
Catholic marriage
Javier Abad & Eugenio Feney (1988) Marriage: A path to sanctity [Sinag-Tala, Manilla]
Pastoral Life Commission (2006) Marriage in the Catholic Church [Australian Catholic Bishops’ Conference, Canberra]
Pastoral Life Commission (2007) Divorce and the Catholic Church [Australian Catholic Bishops’ Conference, Canberra]
John L Thomas (1975) Beginning your marriage [Buckley, Chicago]
Christian marriage
Rod Boreham (1987) My life for my wife [Kingsway Publications, Eastbourne UK]
Edward Louis Cole (1982) Maximized manhood [Whitaker House, Springdale PA]
Scott Halzman and Theresa DiGeronimo (2007) Secrets of happily married men [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
Scott Halzman and Theresa DiGeronimo (2008) Secrets of happily married women [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
Florence Littauer (1981) After every wedding come a marriage [Harvest House, Eugene OR]
Josh McDowell (1985) The secret of loving [Here’s Life, San Bernardino CA]
Peg and Lee Rankin (1986) Your marriage: Making it work [Lion, Batavia, Illinois]
H. Norman Wright (1974) How to talk to your mate [Tyndale House, Wheaton IL]
Christian relationships
Gloria Chisholm (1990) The gift of encouragement [Aglow, Lynnwood WA]
Civil ceremonies
Sally Cant (2009) The heart and soul of celebrancy [Sally Cant/Pennon Publishing, Melbourne]
Dally R Messenger (1999) Ceremonies & celebrations [Lothian, South Melbourne]
Cohabitation
Sotirios Sarantakos (1984) Living together in Australia [Longman Cheshire, Sydney]
Commitment
Clayton C Barbeau (1976) Joy of marriage [Seabury, New York]
Gary Chapman (1992) The five love languages [Northfield, Chicago]
Gary Chapman (1992) The five love languages – Men’s edition [Northfield, Chicago]
Scott Stanley (1998) The heart of commitment [Thomas Nelson, Nashville TN]
Communication
Henry Cloud and John Townsend (2001) Boundaries [Zondervan, Grand Rapids Michigan]
John Gottman (1979) A couples guide to communication [Research Press, IL]
John Gray (1992) Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus [Harper Collins, New York]
Anne & Mandy Kotzman (2008) Listen to me, listen to you [Penguin Global, New York]
Sherod Miller, Elam W Nunnally & Daniel W Wackman (1979) Couple communication 1 [Interpersonal Communications, Littleton CO]
Sherod Miller, Daniel B Wackman, Dallas R Demmitt & Nancy J Demmitt (1985) Working together [Interpersonal Communications, Littleton CO]
Allan & Barbara Pease (2001) Why men don’t listen and women can’t read maps [Pease International, Buderim QLD]
John Powell (1969) Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? [Argus Communications, Allen TX]
John Powell (1974) The secret of staying in love [Tabor, Allen TX]
John Powell (1985) Will the real me please stand up? [Tabor, Allen TX]
Johanna Schwab, Michel Baldwin, Jane Gerber, Maria Gomori and Vriginia Satir (1989) The Satir approach to communication [Science and Behavior Books, Palo Alto CA]
Deborah Tannen (1990) You just don’t understand [William Morrow, New York]
Conflict
Florence Bienenfeld (1999) Conflict resolution for couples [Career Press, Franklin Lakes NJ]
Sharon & Gordon Bower (2004) Asserting yourself [Da Capo Press, Cambridge MA]
Andrew Christensen (2002) Reconciling differences [The guildford Press, New York]
Andrew Christensen & Neil Jacobson (2002) Reconcilable differences [The Guilford Press, New York]
Helena Cornelius & Shashana Faire (1992) Everyone can win: How to resolve conflict [Simon & Schuster, New York]
Roger Fisher & William Ury (1991) Getting to yes [Penguin, New York]
Willard F Harley (1996) Give and take – The secret of marital compatibility [Revell, Grand Rapids, Michigan]
Willard F Harley (2008) Love busters – Overcoming habits that destroy romantic love [Revell, Grand Rapids, Michigan]
The Abinger Institute (2008) The anatomy of peace – resolving the heart of conflict [Berrett-Koehler, San Francisco]
Gregory Tillett (1991) Resolving conflict [Sydney University Press, Sydney]
Couples
Susan M Campbell (1980) The couple’s journey [Impact, San Luis Obispo, CA]
Criticism
Hal & Sidra Stone (1993) Embracing your inner critic [Harper, San Francisco]
Depression
Bev Aisbett (2000) Taming the black dog [Harper Collins, Sydney]
Bob Murray & Alicia Fortinberry (2004) Creating optimism [McGraw-Hill, New York]
Matthew Johnstone (2005) I had a black dog [Pan MacMillan, Sydney]
Divorce
Geraldine Clapp (2000) Divorce and new beginnings [Wiley, New York]
David B Larson, James P Swyers & Susan S Larson, The costly consequences of divorce [National Institute for Healthcare Research, Rockville MD]*
Judith S Wallerstein & Sandra Blakeslee (1989) Second chances: Men, women & children a decade after divorce [Ticknor & Fields, New York]
Judith Wallerstein, Julia M Lewis & Sandra Blakeslee (2000) The unexpected legacy of divorce [Hyperion, New York]
Judith Wallerstein (2004) What about the kids: Raising children before, during and after divorce [Hyperion, New York]
Darlene Waybourne (1999) What to tell your kids about divorce [New Harbinger, Oakland CA]
Extended family
David & Claudia Arp and John & Margaret Bell (2003) Loving your relatives [Tyndale, Wheaton, Illinois]
Failure
Gary J Oliver (1995) How to get it right after you’ve gotten it wrong [Victor, Wheaton IL]
Families
John Bradshaw (1988) The family: A revolutionary way of self discovery [Hci, Deerford Beach FL]
Sotirios Sarantakos (1996) Modern families [MacMillan, South Melbourne] *
Catholic Pastoral Formation Centre (1980) Families matter [Rosslyn Resources, Melbourne]
Jim Howe (1999) Early childhood, family & society in Australia [Social Science Press, Katoomba NSW]*
Donald W Richardson (1984) Family ties that bind [Self-counsel Press, Bellingham, WA]
Family rituals
William J Doherty 1997) The intentional family [Quill, New York]
Fatherhood (see also Parenting)
Steve Biddulph 1997) Raising boys [Finch, Sydney]
David Blankenhorn (1995) Fatherless America [Basic Books, New York]*
Andrew Fuller (2002) Raising real people [Australian Council for Educational Research, Melbourne]
Bruce Robinson (2001) Fathering from the fast lane [Finch, Sydney]
Warren Farrell (2001) Father and child reunion [Finch, Sydney]*
Wade F Horn & Jeffrey Rosenberg (1998) New father book [Better homes and gardens books, Des Moines, Iowa]
Warwick Pudney & Judy Cottrell (1998) Beginning fatherhood [Tandem, Auckland NZ]
Gender relations
James Dobson (1975) What wives wish their husbands knew about women [Tyndale, Wheaton, IL]
Susan Forward & Joan Torres (1987) Men who hate women & the women who love them [Bantam, New York]
Nancy Good (1989) How to love a difficult man [Lothian, Melbourne]
John Gray (1993) Men, women and relationships [Beyond Words, Hillsboro, OR]
Steve Vinay Gunther (2005) Understanding the woman in your life [Finch, Sydney]
Patricia Love & Steven Stosny (2007) Why women talk and men walk [Vermilion, New York]
Robin Norwood (1986) Women who love too much [Arrow, London]
Allan & Barbara Pease (1999) Why women can’t read maps, and won’t stop talking [Pease Training, Mona Vale NSW]
Allan & Barbara Pease (2001)Why men don’t listen & women can’t read maps [Orion, London]
Allan & Barbara Pease (2002) Why men lie and women cry [Orion, London]
Groups
Christine Chinchen (1992) Making groups work [Specialist Publications, Concord NSW]
Healing
Nancy Reeves (2003) Found through loss [Northstone, Kelowna, Canada]
Healthy families
Delores Curran (1983) Traits of a healthy family [Ballantine, New York]
Intercultural marriage
Jane Duncan Owen (2002) Interracial marriage in Australia [University of NSW Press, Sydney]
Dugan Romano (2008) Intercultural marriage: Promises and pitfalls [Nicholas Brearley Publishing, London UK/Boston MA]
Interfaith marriage
Charles Joanides (2002) When you intermarry: A resource for inter-Christian, intercultural couples, parents and families [Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America, New York]
Infidelity
Anne Bercht (2004) My husband’s affair [Trafford, Victoria, Canada]
Emily Brown (1999) Affairs: A guide to working through the repercussions of infidelity [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
Shirley Glass (2003) Not ‘just friends’ [The Free Press, New York]
Frank Pittman (1990) Private lies: Infidelity and the betrayal of intimacy [WW Norton, New York]
Intimacy
Bryan Craig (2004) Searching for intimacy in marriage [Seventh Day Adventist Church, Sydney]
Kathleen Keating (1983) The little book of hugs [Angus & Robertson, North Ryde, NSW]
Barry and Emily McCarthy (2003) Rekindling desire [Routledge, New York]
Maggie Scarf (1987) Intimate partners [Century, London]
Dennis Rainey (1989) Lonely husbands, lonely wives [Word, Dallas TX]
Gary Smalley (1989) Love is a decision [Word, Dallas TX]
Life cycle
Herbert Anderson & Kenneth R Mitchell (1993) Leaving home [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville, KY]
Herbert Anderson & Robert Cotton Fite (1993) Becoming married [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville, KY]
Herbert Anderson, David Hogue & Marie McCarthy (1995) Promising again [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville, KY]
Herbert Anderson & Susan B W Johnson (1994) Regarding children [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville, KY]
Herbert Anderson & Freda A Gardner (1997) Living alone [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville, KY]
Learning styles
Bernie Neville (2005) Educating psyche: Emotion, imagination and the unconscious in learning [Collins Dove, Melbourne]
David A Kolb (1983) Experiential learning: Experience as the source of learning and development [Prentice Hall, New York]
Marriage
David & Claudia Arp, Scott Stanley & Howard Markman (2001) Empty nesting: Reinventing your marriage when kids leave home [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
William J Doherty (2001) Take back your marriage [Guilford Press, New York]
John van Epp (2007) How to avoid marrying a jerk [McGraw Hill, New York]
Blane J Fowers (2000) Beyond the myth of marital happiness [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
John Gottman (1993) Why marriages succeed or fail: How you can make yours last [Simon & Schuster, New York]
John Gottman (2000) The seven principles for making marriage work [Three Rivers Press, New York]
John Gottman (2002) The relationship cure [Three Rivers Press, New York]
Archibald Hart & Sharon Hart Morris (2003) Safe haven marriage [W Publishing Group, Nashville TN]
Amy & Leon Kass (eds) (2000) Wing to wing, oar to oar [University of Notre Dame Press, Notre Dame IN]
Iris Krasnow (2001) Surrendering to marriage [Talk Mirimax, New York]
Jeffry H Larson (2000) Should we stay together? [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
Jeffry Larson (2002) The great marriage tune-up book [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
John C Lucas ((1997) Conscious marriage [Simon & Shuster, Sydney]
David & Vera Mace (1987) How to have a happy marriage [Abington, Nashville]
Howard Markman (2004) 12 hours to a happy marriage [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
Howard Markman, Scott Stanley & Susan L Blumberg (1994) Fighting for your marriage [Jossey Bass, San Francisco CA]
Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, Susan L Blumberg, Natalie H Jenkins & Carol Whiteley (2004) 12 hours to a great marriage [Jossey Bass, San Francisco CA]
Andrew Marshall (2007) I love you, but I’m not in love with you [Health Communications, London]
Michael J McManus (1993) Marriage Savers [Zondervan, Grand Rapids Michigan]
David Olsen & Douglas Stephens (2001) The couples’ survival workbook [New Harbinger, Oakland CA]
Michele Weiner-Davis (1993) Divorce busting [Simon & Shuster, New York]
Marriage: Trends, causes and consequences
Herbert Anderson, Don S Browning, Ian S Evison, Mary Steward Van Leeuwen (eds) 1998) The family handbook [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville KY]*
Katherine Anderson, Don Browning and Brian Boyer (eds) 2002) Marriage: Just a piece of paper? [William B Eerdmans, Grand Rapids, Michigan]*
David Blankenhorn 2007) The future of marriage [Encounter Books, New York]*
Bryce J Christensen (ed) 1990) The retreat from marriage [University of America Press, Lanham MD]*
Robert P George & Jean Bethke Elshtain (eds) 2006) The meaning of marriage [Spence, Dallas TX]*
Linda Waite & Maggie Gallagher (2000) The case for marriage [Doubleday, New York]*
John Wall, Don Browning, William J Doherty and Stephen Post (eds) (2002) Marriage, health and the professions [William B Eerdmans, Grand Rapids, Michigan]*
John Witte Jr (1997) From sacrament to contract [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville KY]*
Barbara Dafoe Whitehead (1997) The divorce culture [Alfred A Knopf, New York]*
Marriage education policy
Kevin & Margaret Andrews (1997) With this ring: Rebuilding a culture of marriage [Threshold Publishing, Melbourne]
Elizabeth van Acker (2008) Governments and marriage education policy [Palgrave MacMillan, Basingstoke, Hampshire UK]*
Marriage enrichment
David & Claudia Arp (1993) 52 great dates for you and your mate [Thomas Nelson, Nashville TN]]
David & Claudia Arp (1996) The second half of marriage [Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI]
Stephen and Alex Kendrick (2008) The love dare [B & H Publishing, Nashville TN]
David & Vera Mace (1977) How to have a happy marriage [Abington, Nashville TN]
H Norman Wright (1987) Holding on to romance [Regal, Ventura CA]
Marriage preparation
Don Burnard (1975) Towards a life of loving [Hill of Content, Melbourne]
Bernadette Clohesy (2001) Eyes wide open [Lothian, Melbourne]
Penny Mansfield and Jean Collard (1988) The beginning of the rest of your life [MacMillan, London, UK]
Les & Leslie Parrott (1995) Saving your marriage before it starts [Zondervan, Grand Rapids MI]
Marriage preparation manuals
Nicky & Sila Lee (2003) The marriage preparation course manual [Alpha International, London]
Donald J Luther (1992) Preparing for marriage [Augsberg Fortress, Minneapolis MN]
Tara Markey & Finian Meis (1983) When families marry [M & M Productions, Overland Park, KS]
Anthony & Mary Del Vecchio (1980) Preparing for the sacrament of marriage [Ave Maria Press, Notre Dame, Indiana]
Marriage research
Thomas B Holman (2001) Premarital prediction of marital quality or breakup [Kluwer Academic, New York]*
Men
Steve Biddulph (1994) Manhood [Finch, Sydney]
Don Edgar (1997) Men, mateship marriage [Harper Collins, Sydney] *
Terry Colling (1992) Beyond mateship [Simon & Shuster, Sydney]
Money
Kevin Bailey (2003) Your money guide [Lothian, Melbourne]
George S Clason (1988) The richest man in Babylon [Signet, New York]
Victoria Collins (1997) Couples money [Gabriel, Encino CA]
Ruth L Hayden (1999) For richer, not poorer [Health Communications, Deerfield Beach, Florida]
Natalie H Jenkins, Scott M Stanley, William C Bailey & Howard J Markman (2002) You paid how much for that?! [Jossey Bass, San Francisco CA]
Deborah Knuckey (2003) Conscious spending for couples [John Wiley, Hoboken NJ]
Jonathan Rich (2003) The couple’s guide to love & money [New Harbinger, Oakland CA]
Parenting
Jay Belsky & John Kelly ((1994) The transition to parenthood [Delacorte, New York]*
Steve Biddulph (2002) The secret of happy children [Da Capo Press, Cambridge MA]
Carolyn Pape Cowan & Philip A Cowan (1992) When partners become parents [Basic Books, New York]*
Adele Dingle, Sue Gough & Sian Carlyon (1989) A parent survival kit [Collins Dove, Melbourne]
Don Dinkmeyer & Gary D McKay (1982) The parent’s handbook [American Guidance Service, Circle Plains Minn.]
William Doherty (2000) Take back your kids: Confident parenting in turbulent times [Sorin, Notre Dame IN]
Michael Farris (1996) How a man prepares his daughters for life [Bathany House, Minneapolis, Minnesota]
John Gottman & Julie Schwartz (2008) And baby makes three [Three Rivers, New York]
Michael Grose (2001) Raising happy kids [Harper Collins, Sydney]
Michael Grose (2003) Why first borns rule the world and last-borns want to change it [Random House, Sydney]
Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt (1997) Giving the love that heals [Atria, New York]
Virginia Ironside & Frank Rogers (1998) A huge bag of worries [Holder Wayland, London]
Matthew R Sanders (1992) Every Parent [Addison-Wesley, Sydney]
Martin Seligman (1996) The optimistic child [Harper, New York]
Steve & Candice Watters (2009) Start your family [Moody Publishers, Chicago]
Glenn & Natalie Williams (2005) Your marriage can survive a newborn [Broadman & Holman, Nashville TN]
Parents
Harold Bloomfield & Leonard Felder (1996) Making peace with your parents [Ballantine, New York]
Personal growth
Justin Belitz (1991) Success: Full living [Knowledge Systems, Indianapolis, IN]
Stephanie Dowrick (1996) Intimacy & solitude [WW Norton, New York]
Frank Pittman (1998) Grow-up! How taking responsibility can make you a happy adult [St Martin’s Griffin, New York]
Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning (2000) Self-esteem [New Harbinger, Oakland CA]
M Scott Peck (1978) The road less travelled [Random, New York]
M Scott Peck (1998) Further along the road less travelled [Touchstone, New York]
Rita Spencer & Angela Rossmanith (1995) Stop struggling [Angus & Robertson, Sydney]
Relationships
Bronwyn Donaghy & Marcus Mackay (1999) We’re still a team [Rural Family Relationship Project, Canberra]
Stephanie Dowrick (1998) Forgiveness and other acts of love [WW Norton, New York]
Stephenie Dowrick (2004) The universal heart: Golden rules for golden relationships [Penguin, Melbourne]
John Van Epp (2007) How to avoid marrying a jerk [McGraw Hill, New York]
Herbert Fensterheim & Jean Baer (1976) Don’t say ‘yes’ when you want to say ‘no’ [Futura, London]
Thomas A Harris (1967) I’m OK – You’re OK [Pan, London, UK]
Harville Hendrix (1988) Getting the love you want [Simon & Schuster, New York]
Harville Hendrix (1994) The couples companion [Simon & Schuster, New York]
Harville Hendrix (1995) Keeping the love you find [Simon & Schuster, New York]
David Jansen & Margaret Newman (1989) Really relating [Random House, Sydney]
Bob Montgomery and L Evans (1996) Living and loving together [Penguin, Melbourne]
Jo Lamble & Sue Morris (2000) Side by side [Finch, Sydney]
Pat Love and Jo Robinson (1995) Hot monogamy [Plume, New York]
Pat Love (2001) The truth about love [Fireside, New York]
Rosemary Tilley (2007) You and me equals we [John Holland, Melbourne]
Elizabeth Tuettemann (2000) The little book of insights into couple relationships [Elizabeth Tuettemann, Boyup Brook, WA]
Neil Clark Warren (1992) Finding the love of your life [Pocket Books, New York]
Merry Watson (1992) How’s your love life? [Hale & Ironmonger, Sydney]
Michele Weiner-Davis (1992) Divorce busting [Summit, New York]
Remarriage
Elizabeth Martyn (1989) Second time around [Ebury, London]
Bruce Fisher (1981) Rebuilding when your relationship ends [Impact, San Luis Obispo, CA]
Retirement
Rob Kelley (2003) The complete guide to creative retirement [TurnKey Press, Austin TX]
Maryanne Vandervelde (2004) Retirement for two [Bantam, New York]
Sara Yogev (2002) For better or for worse, but not for lunch [Contemporary, Chicago]
Romance
Carol J Bruess & Anna D H Kudak (2008) What happy couples do [Fairview Press, Minneapolis, Minnesota]
Sacramental marriage
Peter J Elliott (1990) What God has joined [St Paul, Homebush, NSW]*
Separation
Dally R Messenger (1994) So, mum and dad have separated [Dally M Publishing & Research, Melbourne]
Diana Shulman (1996) Co-parenting after divorce [Winnspeed, USA]
Sexuality
Bettina Arndt (2009) The sex diaries [Melbourne University Press, Melbourne]
Philip Cauthery and Andrew & Penny Stanway (1983) The complete book of love and sex [Arrow, London]
Michael & Dorothy Clarke (1979) Sexual joy in marriage [ADIS Health Science, Sydney]
Alex Comfort & Susan Quillam (2009) The joy of sex [Crown, New York]
William Cutrer & Sandra Glahn (1998) Sexual intimacy in marriage [Kregel, Grand Rapids, MI]
James Dobson 1982) Marriage & sexuality [Kingsway, Eastbourne UK]
Charles A Gallagher, George A Maloney, Mary F Rousseau & Paul F Wilczak (1983) Embodied in love [Dove, Melbourne]
Mike & Joyce Grace (1980) A joyful marriage [International Marriage Encounter, St Paul MN]
John Gray (1995) Mars and Venus in the bedroom [Harper Collins, New York]
Rosalie King (1998) Good loving, great sex [Arrow Books, London/New York]
Tim & Beverly LaHaye (1976) The act of marriage [Zondervan, Grand Rapids MI]
Barry and Emily McCarthy (2009) Discovering your couple sexual style [Routledge. New York]
Steven E Rhoads (2004) Taking sex differences seriously [Encounter, San Francisco]
David Schnarch (2009) Passionate marriage [WW Norton, New York]
Michele Weiner-Davis (2003) The sex starved marriage [Simon & Schuster, New York]
Sole parents
Tom Beardshaw, Guy Hordern & Christine Tufnell (2000) Single parents in focus [Care for the Family, Cardiff, Wales]
Stepfamilies
Hilary Boyd (1998) The step-parent’s survival guide [Ward Lock, London]
Elizabeth Einstein & Linda Albert ( 2005) Strengthening your stepfamily [Impact Publishers, San Luis Obispo, CA]
Irene Gerrard (1989) Making stepfamilies work [Stepfamily Association of Victoria, Clifton Hill]
Claire Masurel & Dady Denton (2003) Two homes [Candlewick, Cambridge MA]
Margaret Newman (1992) Stepfamily realities [Doubleday, Sydney]
Theology
Christopher West (2003) Theology of the body explained [Gracewing, Herefordshire, UK]*
Kostenberger, A.J. (2004). God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the biblical foundations [Crossway].
Weddings
Andrew Brody (2007) Making the most of weddings [Church House, London]
Work & Family
Catherine Hakim (2000) Work-lifestyle choices in the 21st century [Oxford University Press, Oxford]*
Arlie Russell Hochschild (1989) The second shift [Penguin, New York] *
Arlie Russell Hochschild (1997) The time bind [Metropolitan, New York] *
Deborah Lee (1997) Having it all, having enough [Amacon, New York]
CONFERENCE PROCEEDINGS
Finian N Meis (ed) (1989) Life-long marriage: Is it possible [M & M Productions, Overland Park KS]
This is the publication of the Creighton University conference on marriage, featuring essays by Barbara Markey, Michael Lawlor, Marie Micheletto and others.
Bill Muehlenberg, Joseph Santamaria, Peter Westmore and Mary Helen Woods (eds) (1996) The family - there is no other way [Australian Family Association, Melbourne]
Proceedings of an international conference on marriage and family issues
Theodora Ooms (ed) (1998) Strategies for strengthening marriage: What do we know? What do we need to know? [Family Impact Seminar, Washington DC]
The proceedings of a roundtable which included Linda Waite, Bernard Guerney, Diane Sollee, Scott Stanley, Thomas Bradbury, Benjamin Siliman, Richard McCord, Ceridwen Roberts and Kevin & Margaret Andrews.
RESEARCH REPORTS
William J Doherty et al (2002) Why marriage matters [Institute for American Values, New York]
Leading social scientists outline 21 conclusions about why marriage matters.
W. Kim Halford (2000) Australian couples in millennium three [Department of Family and Community Services, Canberra]
A research and development agenda for marriage and relationship education.
Roger Harris, Michele Simons, Peter Willis & Anne Barrie (1992) Love, sex and waterskiing [Centre for Human Resource Studies, University of South Australia, Adelaide]
A book about couples’ experiences of pre-marriage education based on a national research project.
Michele Simons, Roger Harris & Peter Willis (199X) Pathways to marriage [Centre for Human Resource Studies, University of South Australia, Adelaide]
Why couples participate or not in pre-marriage education.
Michael G Lawlor, Barbara Markey, Lisa A Riley & Gail S Risch (2000) Time, sex and money [The Center for Marriage and Family, Creighton University Omaha NE]
The report of a national survey on the first five years of marriage
GOVERNMENT REPORTS
Commission on the Family (Ireland) (1998) Strengthening families for life [Stationary Office, Dublin]
An Irish report on strengthening marriage and family life.
House of Representatives Committee on Legal and Constitutional Affairs (Andrews Committee) (1998) To have and to hold [Parliament of the Commonwealth of Australia, Canberra]
The report of a Parliamentary Inquiry on strategies to strengthen marriage and relationships.
PERIODICALS
Marriage magazine [South St Paul, Minnesota]
A quarterly magazine from the US with practical articles about marriage.
www.marriagemagazine.org
State of our Unions [The National Marriage Project, University of Virginia, Charlottesville, VA]
An annual research report about the state of marriage in America.
www.virginia.edu/marriage project
Threshold [Catholic Society for Marriage Education, Melbourne]
The pre-eminent journal about marriage education.
thresh@bigpond.net.au
WEBSITES & E-NEWSLETTERS
Australian Family Relationships Clearinghouse [www.aifs.gov.au/afrc]
Australian clearinghouse for family relationship resources
For your marriage [www.foryourmariage.org]
Marital tips, resources and advice for couples.
National Healthy Marriage Resource Center [www.healthymarriageinfo.org]
A US clearinghouse for marital education resources.
Marriage Partnership [ChristianityToday.com]
An online Christian magazine about marital relationships
Smartmarriages [www.smartmariages.com]
A website and daily e-newsletter about marriage education news.
www.marriage.com.au A Fantastic Resource That Upholds Marriage!
The Value of Marriage
Have you noticed how difficult it is these days to make any statement about the truth of a value or belief you hold? If, for example, you state that sexual intercourse should be restricted to married couples, or that marriage should be upheld by society as the best form of relationship to raise children, you are likely to be confronted with a demand for "proof" to support your statement i.e "Show me the research." Alternatively you may be given examples of "exceptions to the rule" in order to invalidate your judgement. In nearly all cases you will be told that the value you hold to be true "is only true for you, not necessarily anyone else".
It is good that we live in a country that is free to ask questions and that the scientific method of research helps us to gain a more accurate picture of the world we live in. Knowledge helps reduce our ignorance and prejudice. Who would want to return to a world that believed womens' brains were more fragile and not able to cope with important things of the world, or that negroes were born to be slaves?
In the culture we live in the only way to "prove" the worth of your values is to live them out and produce demonstrable results. Individuals in our society are no longer impressed with the words of authority or preconceptions that tell them what is good for them. Statistics and social research can be used to prove almost anything and the consumer is very wary and cynical about information from the media.
In order to convince others of the value of marriage to society, it is up to each individual couple to live a life that clearly shows to everyone in the community the intrinsic worth and importance of their committed relationship and what marriage means to them. That way you don't have to "prove " a thing!
