Some Questions to Ask if You are Considering Marriage. (by Toby Green in the Herald Sun)
1. How well do you know yourself? Can you be on your own? Are there situations where you lose your individuality?
2. Is marriage a solution to something you lack? Can you support yourself financially? Do you love yourself?
3. Do you communicate effectively? Is there a recurrent issue that continually evokes the response “Here we go again”?
4. Do you know the difference between love and commitment?
5. Are you emotionally intimate? Can you walk a mile in each other’s shoes without being defensive?
6. Can you set limits? Do you know your line in the sand where you know you won’t go one centimetre further? Are you prepared to get out if you are being asked to compromise your real self?(Ed. This could be where you are being abused by your partner and seeking help has not resolved the situation. It does not mean tuning to divorce simply because you are not willing to compromise some of your wants.)
7. Are you willing to go without sex for periods of time if your appetites are different?
8. Can you surrender to marriage without feeling dominated?
9. Do you trust yourself enough to ask your partner to trust you?
10. Can you be wrong?
11. Can you do what you don’t want to do just because it pleases your partner, and do it with good grace?
12. Is there something in the back of your mind that you haven’t told anyone for fear they’d say “Don’t go through with it”?
13. Are you fully prepared to never, ever , ever, ever, have sex with another person as long as you live?
The Things Most Likely To Change
Feeling besotted will evolve into a calmer more settled, realistic love.
Sexual libido will evolve into what becomes each other’s natural appetite.
Other things that change are washboard tummies, waistlines, perfect health and energy levels.
Things Least Likely To Change
Cultural and moral beliefs are instilled from childhood. The importance on how you spend money, whether or not to have kids, work ethics, the priority of friends and family, domestic duties and monogamy all need to be resolved. There is a famous saying “She hoped he’d change and he didn’t. He hoped she wouldn’t and she did.”
Also be aware that any unresolved parental conflict may become the third partner in your marriage. A huge cause of marital breakdown is where a partner uses the marriage as a workshop to solve an unresolved conflict with a parent.
Ten Ways to Have a Really Great Marriage
Dr. Val Farmer
The Pilot-Independent
I have the following 10 suggestions on how to work toward having a really
great marriage. Great marriages make for very happy lives. Mediocre
marriages may or may not contribute much to personal happiness. Bad
marriages make for unhappy lives. With extra work and attention, many
couples can transform their marriages from mediocre to wonderful.
To help bad marriages become good and then wonderful may take counseling or
extra focus on eliminating destructive behavior from the relationship. I'll
compose a list of 10 "don'ts" for another occasion.
1. Honor your vows
In the ups and downs of life, the only thing you have to fall back on is
your character and honor in keeping the promises couples make to each other
at the time of marriage. There will be times of unhappiness and
vulnerability.
Protect your marriage by having strong boundaries that don't allow for
emotional intimacy with opposite sex friendships. They take energy and
closeness away from the relationship. Be loyal in the way you speak publicly
about each other. Keep your partner's confidences.
2. Show love through actions on a daily basis
Anticipate and meet his or her emotional needs through daily acts of love
and consideration. Be there for each other in times of joy and times of
sorrow or threat. Sacrifice for his or her goals, growth, dreams, wishes and
even whims. Have a willing attitude about pleasing your partner and
responding to requests and concerns. This is love, freely given even when it
is difficult or inconvenient.
3. Express affection, admiration, appreciation and fondness
Expressions of love and appreciation for special qualities or efforts mean a
lot. It goes beyond words to loving touches, embraces and holding. It
includes physical proximity, special looks and loving eye contact. Show
excitement and interest in your greetings and fondness in your farewells.
4. Share your lives through emotional intimacy
Create and share a private world where you confide deeply about life, joys,
fears, hurts, frustrations and challenges. Talk often and openly about
feelings and wonderment. Stay in touch with the details of each other's
emotional lives. Use each other as sounding boards for talking a problem out
loud, working through issues and gaining a valued perspective. Turn to each
other for advice and comfort. Be a good listener. Show empathy and concern.
5. Enjoy each other's companionship
Spend time together in mutually enjoyable activities. Laugh and play
together. Enjoy each other's sense of humor. Find common interests. Make
memories. Have adventures together. Take time for leisure and light-hearted
fun. Take time for yourselves as a couple and nourish your marriage. Honor
your specialness by celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, holidays and other
couple and family rituals with gusto and verve.
6. Keep romance alive
Make your marriage full of special surprises. Surprise your spouse with a
vacation, a special date night, flowers, candy, special gifts or whatever
excites them. Take the time to really know each other so your surprises have
meaning. Marriage needs regular sexual fulfillment. Set the stage so the
spark of passion stays alive.
7. Operate as a team
Share household responsibilities as equals. Parent as a team. Manage money
as a team. Coordinate schedules and activities together. Plan and make
decisions together. Support both your own family commitments and the
extended family obligations as a team. Worship together and share your
spiritual journey.
Dream together and build a future together. Accept each other's influence
and ideas. Work out differences with respect, patience, flexibility and a
genuine spirit of learning. Focus on being kind and not on being right. You
can disagree without being disagreeable.
8. Manage your personal stress
Don't bring anger, frustration and hurt from work or other situations into
your home and unfairly take it out on those you love. Your home and marriage
should be a haven and a place of peace.
Take care of yourself through rest, leisure, exercise and pleasant personal
diversions. This will allow you to give energy to the marriage instead of
being a source of strain and worry.
9. Be quick to apologize and forgive
Events will happen that are truly unfortunate, neglectful, mean-spirited,
selfish and just plain wrong. Every relationship will have its emotional
wounds and trauma experiences. Develop an attitude of resolving these issues
quickly.
Try to learn about the impact of the mistake, acknowledge the harm that it
causes, make amends if possible, ask for forgiveness and commit to
preventing the hurt from occurring again. If you are on the receiving end,
be quick to forgive. To forgive is a choice. Trust will be earned through
time and change in behavior.
10. Develop skills for resolving conflict
Conflict is good. Conflict shows engagement.
Conflict gives couples a chance to clarify their own thoughts and emotions.
If not confronted, it will grow and escalate. However, the process should be
respectful and courteous.
Conflict resolution involves good listening, communicating clearly and not
interrupting each other. It involves a willingness to compromise or to find
solutions that work for both of you. It especially means minimizing
disrespectful judgments, angry outbursts, selfish demands, defensiveness,
blame, criticisms, contempt or stonewalling to avoid the issue. Couples need
to have a plan in place to disengage when emotions are heated and to
re-engage in the same discussion within a reasonable time frame.
That's it. It's not easy. Having a great marriage takes a lot of work, but
the rewards far outweigh the personal sacrifices involved.
The Price of Admission For a Healthy Marriage
A few years ago Kenny Chesney came out with the following song called "When I think about leaving.”
"You know sometimes me and my lady have these crazy fights And when we do, it makes me wonder if we're even gonna get it right When I think about leaving, I think about me What my life would be like if I were back to being freeWhere I wanna go, what I wanna do I wouldn't have a soul I'd have to answer to When I think about leaving I think about me
You know I've got a friend and him and his wife just couldn't see eye to eye He had all he could stand one day and just packed up and said "goodbye"When I think about leaving I think about him And that little apartment ‘cross town he's living in Got an old Corvette got a new girlfriend but he only sees his kids every other weekend. When I think about leaving, oh I think about him.
He goes on to sing,
"When I think about leaving, I think about us How we're building this love we share on faith and trust The honest way we talk, the tender way we touch All those nights we spent makin' love When I think about leaving, oh I think about us When I think about leaving, oh I think again Even though that thought crosses my mind every now and thenIn my heart I know I would never leave There's nowhere else on earth that I would rather be When I think about leaving, I think again”
The price of admission for most worthwhile things in life is sacrifice. It can not be purchased and you can't have someone else do it for you on your behalf. A healthy marriage is an excellent example of this principle. No amount of money can buy you a healthy and happy marriage. And no one else can make the sacrifices necessary for you to have a healthy and happy marriage.
If you want a happy marriage you have to be willing to make sacrifices. There is no way around it. If you are not willing to make sacrifices chances are you will end up like the friend Kenny Chesney sings about with the old corvette who sees his kids every other weekend.
By sacrifice we mean giving up some of your personal time, wants, dreams, etc. for the good of the marriage. One example is the husband who gave up riding motorcycles because of the cost, but more importantly because of the anxiety it caused his spouse.
The sacrifices can also be small things like getting up an extra 20 minutes early so you can clean the bathroom your spouse was going to clean that day.
Each sacrifice you make now for your marriage can pay off many times over during the course of your marriage.
The keyword is can. The net effect of your sacrifices will be a negative on your marriage if you do any of the following:
1.Require constant acknowledgments of your sacrifices.
2.Keep track of your sacrifices.
3.Compare your sacrifices to your spouse's sacrifices.
4.Remind your spouse of all the sacrifices you have made.
This week make a list of some additional sacrifices you can make in order to increase the chances you will enjoy a life-long healthy and happy marriage.
Create a plan on how you will implement your new list of sacrifices.
Like the farmer who makes sacrifices for his farm if you make sacrifices for your marriage you will see the fruits of those sacrifices increase many times over as you experience a life-long healthy and happy marriage.
Why do people say “I just don’t love you anymore”? Monthly Healthy Marriage Tip
You would think that based on the number of songs, books and movies based on "love” that we would all be experts on the subject by the time we hit 13.
Unfortunately most people are extremely naïve when it comes to this word we call love. One of the problems could be attributed to the fact that in the English language love can have so many different meanings to different people. The Greeks got around this confusion by coming up with 4 different words for love. Agape: the deep lasting form of love. Eros: the intense passionate but ultimately fleeting form of love. Philia: the friendship kind of love and finally Storge: the love you feel for your family.
To compound the problem most of the songs, movies and fictional books are based on the Eros type of love. And they perpetuate the myth that a soul mate exists who will help you achieve a perpetual state of romantic bliss. This leads to a lot of confusion as couples who have been together for awhile start to say things like " We just slowly fell out of love”. "We just don't love each other anymore”. "I love you, but I am no longer in love with you”.
This month's tip is our attempt on shedding some light on the facts about love. Our hope is that by doing so men and women will no longer need to wander around in the dark as they try to navigate the maze of love.
The most important thing to understand is that "falling in love” is in reality just a chemical cocktail that explodes in your body when you "connect” with someone who will be good DNA match.
Researchers have been able to measure significantly increased levels of
Adrenaline, Seratonin and Dopamine
in couples that have recently "fallen in love”. The combination of these hormones is what gives you that amazing sensation every time you think of your "soul mate” or are around him or her. Have you ever wondered why couples "in love” seem like two magnets. They always seem stuck to each other and it is difficult to get them apart. The closer you get physically the more your body rewards you by dumping greater quantities of this highly addictive cocktail on your system. This sensation is so intense that researchers have been able to show that in essence it has the same effect on the brain as someone who is high on cocaine. It is one of the easiest and most intense natural highs that humans can experience.
Most couples naively believe that this "love” they feel for each other will last forever. In truth our bodies are not designed to maintain a high level of this hormonal cocktail for longer than about a year or two. As time goes by the quantity of these hormones that are pushed into our system diminish and naive couples start to say " We just don't love each other anymore” or "I thought he was my soul mate but I was wrong”.
In the mean time someone else comes along who ignites that intense fire again and they think to themselves. "This is it”. "I am in love again and this time it will last forever” So they leave the relationship or marriage and start the cycle all over again. In a cruel twist of nature, researchers have found that each time you complete the cycle the next cycle is shorter and shorter and shorter.
Just because you wear a wedding ring does not mean it will protect you from having your body flood your system again with this chemical cocktail. Many, many people will come into your life that will initiate this biological process again in your body. The chemical cocktail can then turn into a chemical bomb that will destroy your marriage if you act on the attraction that is being caused by hormones . You are playing with fire and you will get burned unless you get far far away. The truth is that the high will eventually fade but the consequences of acting on those feelings will linger forever.
260 popular, useful and important books for anyone wanting to know more about marriage relationships including your own!
BOOKS
Addiction
Marilyn Freimuth (2008) Addicted? [Rowman & Littlefield, Lanham MD]*
Anger
Archibald Hart & Sharon Hart Morris (2003) Safe Haven [W Publishing, Nashville, TN]
Patricia Evans (2003) The verbally abusive relationships: How to recognise it and how to respond to it [Adams Media, Cincinatti OH]
Gary Jacks Oliver & H Norman Wright (1992) When anger hits home [Moody Press, Chicago]
Annulment
Hugh F Doogan (ed) (1990) Catholic tribunals: marriage, annulment and dissolution [EJ Dwyer, Newtown, NSW]*
Geoffrey Robinson (1984) Marriage, divorce & nullity [Dove, Melbourne]*
Anxiety
P Hanson (1986) The joy of stress [Hanson Stress Management, Islington, Ontario]
Archibald D Hart (1999) The anxiety cure [W publishing, Nashville TN]
Catholic marriage
Javier Abad & Eugenio Feney (1988) Marriage: A path to sanctity [Sinag-Tala, Manilla]
Pastoral Life Commission (2006) Marriage in the Catholic Church [Australian Catholic Bishops’ Conference, Canberra]
Pastoral Life Commission (2007) Divorce and the Catholic Church [Australian Catholic Bishops’ Conference, Canberra]
John L Thomas (1975) Beginning your marriage [Buckley, Chicago]
Christian marriage
Rod Boreham (1987) My life for my wife [Kingsway Publications, Eastbourne UK]
Edward Louis Cole (1982) Maximized manhood [Whitaker House, Springdale PA]
Scott Halzman and Theresa DiGeronimo (2007) Secrets of happily married men [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
Scott Halzman and Theresa DiGeronimo (2008) Secrets of happily married women [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
Florence Littauer (1981) After every wedding come a marriage [Harvest House, Eugene OR]
Josh McDowell (1985) The secret of loving [Here’s Life, San Bernardino CA]
Peg and Lee Rankin (1986) Your marriage: Making it work [Lion, Batavia, Illinois]
H. Norman Wright (1974) How to talk to your mate [Tyndale House, Wheaton IL]
Christian relationships
Gloria Chisholm (1990) The gift of encouragement [Aglow, Lynnwood WA]
Civil ceremonies
Sally Cant (2009) The heart and soul of celebrancy [Sally Cant/Pennon Publishing, Melbourne]
Dally R Messenger (1999) Ceremonies & celebrations [Lothian, South Melbourne]
Cohabitation
Sotirios Sarantakos (1984) Living together in Australia [Longman Cheshire, Sydney]
Commitment
Clayton C Barbeau (1976) Joy of marriage [Seabury, New York]
Gary Chapman (1992) The five love languages [Northfield, Chicago]
Gary Chapman (1992) The five love languages – Men’s edition [Northfield, Chicago]
Scott Stanley (1998) The heart of commitment [Thomas Nelson, Nashville TN]
Communication
Henry Cloud and John Townsend (2001) Boundaries [Zondervan, Grand Rapids Michigan]
John Gottman (1979) A couples guide to communication [Research Press, IL]
John Gray (1992) Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus [Harper Collins, New York]
Anne & Mandy Kotzman (2008) Listen to me, listen to you [Penguin Global, New York]
Sherod Miller, Elam W Nunnally & Daniel W Wackman (1979) Couple communication 1 [Interpersonal Communications, Littleton CO]
Sherod Miller, Daniel B Wackman, Dallas R Demmitt & Nancy J Demmitt (1985) Working together [Interpersonal Communications, Littleton CO]
Allan & Barbara Pease (2001) Why men don’t listen and women can’t read maps [Pease International, Buderim QLD]
John Powell (1969) Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? [Argus Communications, Allen TX]
John Powell (1974) The secret of staying in love [Tabor, Allen TX]
John Powell (1985) Will the real me please stand up? [Tabor, Allen TX]
Johanna Schwab, Michel Baldwin, Jane Gerber, Maria Gomori and Vriginia Satir (1989) The Satir approach to communication [Science and Behavior Books, Palo Alto CA]
Deborah Tannen (1990) You just don’t understand [William Morrow, New York]
Conflict
Florence Bienenfeld (1999) Conflict resolution for couples [Career Press, Franklin Lakes NJ]
Sharon & Gordon Bower (2004) Asserting yourself [Da Capo Press, Cambridge MA]
Andrew Christensen (2002) Reconciling differences [The guildford Press, New York]
Andrew Christensen & Neil Jacobson (2002) Reconcilable differences [The Guilford Press, New York]
Helena Cornelius & Shashana Faire (1992) Everyone can win: How to resolve conflict [Simon & Schuster, New York]
Roger Fisher & William Ury (1991) Getting to yes [Penguin, New York]
Willard F Harley (1996) Give and take – The secret of marital compatibility [Revell, Grand Rapids, Michigan]
Willard F Harley (2008) Love busters – Overcoming habits that destroy romantic love [Revell, Grand Rapids, Michigan]
The Abinger Institute (2008) The anatomy of peace – resolving the heart of conflict [Berrett-Koehler, San Francisco]
Gregory Tillett (1991) Resolving conflict [Sydney University Press, Sydney]
Couples
Susan M Campbell (1980) The couple’s journey [Impact, San Luis Obispo, CA]
Criticism
Hal & Sidra Stone (1993) Embracing your inner critic [Harper, San Francisco]
Depression
Bev Aisbett (2000) Taming the black dog [Harper Collins, Sydney]
Bob Murray & Alicia Fortinberry (2004) Creating optimism [McGraw-Hill, New York]
Matthew Johnstone (2005) I had a black dog [Pan MacMillan, Sydney]
Divorce
Geraldine Clapp (2000) Divorce and new beginnings [Wiley, New York]
David B Larson, James P Swyers & Susan S Larson, The costly consequences of divorce [National Institute for Healthcare Research, Rockville MD]*
Judith S Wallerstein & Sandra Blakeslee (1989) Second chances: Men, women & children a decade after divorce [Ticknor & Fields, New York]
Judith Wallerstein, Julia M Lewis & Sandra Blakeslee (2000) The unexpected legacy of divorce [Hyperion, New York]
Judith Wallerstein (2004) What about the kids: Raising children before, during and after divorce [Hyperion, New York]
Darlene Waybourne (1999) What to tell your kids about divorce [New Harbinger, Oakland CA]
Extended family
David & Claudia Arp and John & Margaret Bell (2003) Loving your relatives [Tyndale, Wheaton, Illinois]
Failure
Gary J Oliver (1995) How to get it right after you’ve gotten it wrong [Victor, Wheaton IL]
Families
John Bradshaw (1988) The family: A revolutionary way of self discovery [Hci, Deerford Beach FL]
Sotirios Sarantakos (1996) Modern families [MacMillan, South Melbourne] *
Catholic Pastoral Formation Centre (1980) Families matter [Rosslyn Resources, Melbourne]
Jim Howe (1999) Early childhood, family & society in Australia [Social Science Press, Katoomba NSW]*
Donald W Richardson (1984) Family ties that bind [Self-counsel Press, Bellingham, WA]
Family rituals
William J Doherty 1997) The intentional family [Quill, New York]
Fatherhood (see also Parenting)
Steve Biddulph 1997) Raising boys [Finch, Sydney]
David Blankenhorn (1995) Fatherless America [Basic Books, New York]*
Andrew Fuller (2002) Raising real people [Australian Council for Educational Research, Melbourne]
Bruce Robinson (2001) Fathering from the fast lane [Finch, Sydney]
Warren Farrell (2001) Father and child reunion [Finch, Sydney]*
Wade F Horn & Jeffrey Rosenberg (1998) New father book [Better homes and gardens books, Des Moines, Iowa]
Warwick Pudney & Judy Cottrell (1998) Beginning fatherhood [Tandem, Auckland NZ]
Gender relations
James Dobson (1975) What wives wish their husbands knew about women [Tyndale, Wheaton, IL]
Susan Forward & Joan Torres (1987) Men who hate women & the women who love them [Bantam, New York]
Nancy Good (1989) How to love a difficult man [Lothian, Melbourne]
John Gray (1993) Men, women and relationships [Beyond Words, Hillsboro, OR]
Steve Vinay Gunther (2005) Understanding the woman in your life [Finch, Sydney]
Patricia Love & Steven Stosny (2007) Why women talk and men walk [Vermilion, New York]
Robin Norwood (1986) Women who love too much [Arrow, London]
Allan & Barbara Pease (1999) Why women can’t read maps, and won’t stop talking [Pease Training, Mona Vale NSW]
Allan & Barbara Pease (2001)Why men don’t listen & women can’t read maps [Orion, London]
Allan & Barbara Pease (2002) Why men lie and women cry [Orion, London]
Groups
Christine Chinchen (1992) Making groups work [Specialist Publications, Concord NSW]
Healing
Nancy Reeves (2003) Found through loss [Northstone, Kelowna, Canada]
Healthy families
Delores Curran (1983) Traits of a healthy family [Ballantine, New York]
Intercultural marriage
Jane Duncan Owen (2002) Interracial marriage in Australia [University of NSW Press, Sydney]
Dugan Romano (2008) Intercultural marriage: Promises and pitfalls [Nicholas Brearley Publishing, London UK/Boston MA]
Interfaith marriage
Charles Joanides (2002) When you intermarry: A resource for inter-Christian, intercultural couples, parents and families [Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America, New York]
Infidelity
Anne Bercht (2004) My husband’s affair [Trafford, Victoria, Canada]
Emily Brown (1999) Affairs: A guide to working through the repercussions of infidelity [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
Shirley Glass (2003) Not ‘just friends’ [The Free Press, New York]
Frank Pittman (1990) Private lies: Infidelity and the betrayal of intimacy [WW Norton, New York]
Intimacy
Bryan Craig (2004) Searching for intimacy in marriage [Seventh Day Adventist Church, Sydney]
Kathleen Keating (1983) The little book of hugs [Angus & Robertson, North Ryde, NSW]
Barry and Emily McCarthy (2003) Rekindling desire [Routledge, New York]
Maggie Scarf (1987) Intimate partners [Century, London]
Dennis Rainey (1989) Lonely husbands, lonely wives [Word, Dallas TX]
Gary Smalley (1989) Love is a decision [Word, Dallas TX]
Life cycle
Herbert Anderson & Kenneth R Mitchell (1993) Leaving home [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville, KY]
Herbert Anderson & Robert Cotton Fite (1993) Becoming married [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville, KY]
Herbert Anderson, David Hogue & Marie McCarthy (1995) Promising again [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville, KY]
Herbert Anderson & Susan B W Johnson (1994) Regarding children [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville, KY]
Herbert Anderson & Freda A Gardner (1997) Living alone [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville, KY]
Learning styles
Bernie Neville (2005) Educating psyche: Emotion, imagination and the unconscious in learning [Collins Dove, Melbourne]
David A Kolb (1983) Experiential learning: Experience as the source of learning and development [Prentice Hall, New York]
Marriage
David & Claudia Arp, Scott Stanley & Howard Markman (2001) Empty nesting: Reinventing your marriage when kids leave home [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
William J Doherty (2001) Take back your marriage [Guilford Press, New York]
John van Epp (2007) How to avoid marrying a jerk [McGraw Hill, New York]
Blane J Fowers (2000) Beyond the myth of marital happiness [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
John Gottman (1993) Why marriages succeed or fail: How you can make yours last [Simon & Schuster, New York]
John Gottman (2000) The seven principles for making marriage work [Three Rivers Press, New York]
John Gottman (2002) The relationship cure [Three Rivers Press, New York]
Archibald Hart & Sharon Hart Morris (2003) Safe haven marriage [W Publishing Group, Nashville TN]
Amy & Leon Kass (eds) (2000) Wing to wing, oar to oar [University of Notre Dame Press, Notre Dame IN]
Iris Krasnow (2001) Surrendering to marriage [Talk Mirimax, New York]
Jeffry H Larson (2000) Should we stay together? [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
Jeffry Larson (2002) The great marriage tune-up book [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
John C Lucas ((1997) Conscious marriage [Simon & Shuster, Sydney]
David & Vera Mace (1987) How to have a happy marriage [Abington, Nashville]
Howard Markman (2004) 12 hours to a happy marriage [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco]
Howard Markman, Scott Stanley & Susan L Blumberg (1994) Fighting for your marriage [Jossey Bass, San Francisco CA]
Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, Susan L Blumberg, Natalie H Jenkins & Carol Whiteley (2004) 12 hours to a great marriage [Jossey Bass, San Francisco CA]
Andrew Marshall (2007) I love you, but I’m not in love with you [Health Communications, London]
Michael J McManus (1993) Marriage Savers [Zondervan, Grand Rapids Michigan]
David Olsen & Douglas Stephens (2001) The couples’ survival workbook [New Harbinger, Oakland CA]
Michele Weiner-Davis (1993) Divorce busting [Simon & Shuster, New York]
Marriage: Trends, causes and consequences
Herbert Anderson, Don S Browning, Ian S Evison, Mary Steward Van Leeuwen (eds) 1998) The family handbook [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville KY]*
Katherine Anderson, Don Browning and Brian Boyer (eds) 2002) Marriage: Just a piece of paper? [William B Eerdmans, Grand Rapids, Michigan]*
David Blankenhorn 2007) The future of marriage [Encounter Books, New York]*
Bryce J Christensen (ed) 1990) The retreat from marriage [University of America Press, Lanham MD]*
Robert P George & Jean Bethke Elshtain (eds) 2006) The meaning of marriage [Spence, Dallas TX]*
Linda Waite & Maggie Gallagher (2000) The case for marriage [Doubleday, New York]*
John Wall, Don Browning, William J Doherty and Stephen Post (eds) (2002) Marriage, health and the professions [William B Eerdmans, Grand Rapids, Michigan]*
John Witte Jr (1997) From sacrament to contract [Westminster/John Knox Press, Louisville KY]*
Barbara Dafoe Whitehead (1997) The divorce culture [Alfred A Knopf, New York]*
Marriage education policy
Kevin & Margaret Andrews (1997) With this ring: Rebuilding a culture of marriage [Threshold Publishing, Melbourne]
Elizabeth van Acker (2008) Governments and marriage education policy [Palgrave MacMillan, Basingstoke, Hampshire UK]*
Marriage enrichment
David & Claudia Arp (1993) 52 great dates for you and your mate [Thomas Nelson, Nashville TN]]
David & Claudia Arp (1996) The second half of marriage [Zondervan, Grand Rapids, MI]
Stephen and Alex Kendrick (2008) The love dare [B & H Publishing, Nashville TN]
David & Vera Mace (1977) How to have a happy marriage [Abington, Nashville TN]
H Norman Wright (1987) Holding on to romance [Regal, Ventura CA]
Marriage preparation
Don Burnard (1975) Towards a life of loving [Hill of Content, Melbourne]
Bernadette Clohesy (2001) Eyes wide open [Lothian, Melbourne]
Penny Mansfield and Jean Collard (1988) The beginning of the rest of your life [MacMillan, London, UK]
Les & Leslie Parrott (1995) Saving your marriage before it starts [Zondervan, Grand Rapids MI]
Marriage preparation manuals
Nicky & Sila Lee (2003) The marriage preparation course manual [Alpha International, London]
Donald J Luther (1992) Preparing for marriage [Augsberg Fortress, Minneapolis MN]
Tara Markey & Finian Meis (1983) When families marry [M & M Productions, Overland Park, KS]
Anthony & Mary Del Vecchio (1980) Preparing for the sacrament of marriage [Ave Maria Press, Notre Dame, Indiana]
Marriage research
Thomas B Holman (2001) Premarital prediction of marital quality or breakup [Kluwer Academic, New York]*
Men
Steve Biddulph (1994) Manhood [Finch, Sydney]
Don Edgar (1997) Men, mateship marriage [Harper Collins, Sydney] *
Terry Colling (1992) Beyond mateship [Simon & Shuster, Sydney]
Money
Kevin Bailey (2003) Your money guide [Lothian, Melbourne]
George S Clason (1988) The richest man in Babylon [Signet, New York]
Victoria Collins (1997) Couples money [Gabriel, Encino CA]
Ruth L Hayden (1999) For richer, not poorer [Health Communications, Deerfield Beach, Florida]
Natalie H Jenkins, Scott M Stanley, William C Bailey & Howard J Markman (2002) You paid how much for that?! [Jossey Bass, San Francisco CA]
Deborah Knuckey (2003) Conscious spending for couples [John Wiley, Hoboken NJ]
Jonathan Rich (2003) The couple’s guide to love & money [New Harbinger, Oakland CA]
Parenting
Jay Belsky & John Kelly ((1994) The transition to parenthood [Delacorte, New York]*
Steve Biddulph (2002) The secret of happy children [Da Capo Press, Cambridge MA]
Carolyn Pape Cowan & Philip A Cowan (1992) When partners become parents [Basic Books, New York]*
Adele Dingle, Sue Gough & Sian Carlyon (1989) A parent survival kit [Collins Dove, Melbourne]
Don Dinkmeyer & Gary D McKay (1982) The parent’s handbook [American Guidance Service, Circle Plains Minn.]
William Doherty (2000) Take back your kids: Confident parenting in turbulent times [Sorin, Notre Dame IN]
Michael Farris (1996) How a man prepares his daughters for life [Bathany House, Minneapolis, Minnesota]
John Gottman & Julie Schwartz (2008) And baby makes three [Three Rivers, New York]
Michael Grose (2001) Raising happy kids [Harper Collins, Sydney]
Michael Grose (2003) Why first borns rule the world and last-borns want to change it [Random House, Sydney]
Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt (1997) Giving the love that heals [Atria, New York]
Virginia Ironside & Frank Rogers (1998) A huge bag of worries [Holder Wayland, London]
Matthew R Sanders (1992) Every Parent [Addison-Wesley, Sydney]
Martin Seligman (1996) The optimistic child [Harper, New York]
Steve & Candice Watters (2009) Start your family [Moody Publishers, Chicago]
Glenn & Natalie Williams (2005) Your marriage can survive a newborn [Broadman & Holman, Nashville TN]
Parents
Harold Bloomfield & Leonard Felder (1996) Making peace with your parents [Ballantine, New York]
Personal growth
Justin Belitz (1991) Success: Full living [Knowledge Systems, Indianapolis, IN]
Stephanie Dowrick (1996) Intimacy & solitude [WW Norton, New York]
Frank Pittman (1998) Grow-up! How taking responsibility can make you a happy adult [St Martin’s Griffin, New York]
Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning (2000) Self-esteem [New Harbinger, Oakland CA]
M Scott Peck (1978) The road less travelled [Random, New York]
M Scott Peck (1998) Further along the road less travelled [Touchstone, New York]
Rita Spencer & Angela Rossmanith (1995) Stop struggling [Angus & Robertson, Sydney]
Relationships
Bronwyn Donaghy & Marcus Mackay (1999) We’re still a team [Rural Family Relationship Project, Canberra]
Stephanie Dowrick (1998) Forgiveness and other acts of love [WW Norton, New York]
Stephenie Dowrick (2004) The universal heart: Golden rules for golden relationships [Penguin, Melbourne]
John Van Epp (2007) How to avoid marrying a jerk [McGraw Hill, New York]
Herbert Fensterheim & Jean Baer (1976) Don’t say ‘yes’ when you want to say ‘no’ [Futura, London]
Thomas A Harris (1967) I’m OK – You’re OK [Pan, London, UK]
Harville Hendrix (1988) Getting the love you want [Simon & Schuster, New York]
Harville Hendrix (1994) The couples companion [Simon & Schuster, New York]
Harville Hendrix (1995) Keeping the love you find [Simon & Schuster, New York]
David Jansen & Margaret Newman (1989) Really relating [Random House, Sydney]
Bob Montgomery and L Evans (1996) Living and loving together [Penguin, Melbourne]
Jo Lamble & Sue Morris (2000) Side by side [Finch, Sydney]
Pat Love and Jo Robinson (1995) Hot monogamy [Plume, New York]
Pat Love (2001) The truth about love [Fireside, New York]
Rosemary Tilley (2007) You and me equals we [John Holland, Melbourne]
Elizabeth Tuettemann (2000) The little book of insights into couple relationships [Elizabeth Tuettemann, Boyup Brook, WA]
Neil Clark Warren (1992) Finding the love of your life [Pocket Books, New York]
Merry Watson (1992) How’s your love life? [Hale & Ironmonger, Sydney]
Michele Weiner-Davis (1992) Divorce busting [Summit, New York]
Remarriage
Elizabeth Martyn (1989) Second time around [Ebury, London]
Bruce Fisher (1981) Rebuilding when your relationship ends [Impact, San Luis Obispo, CA]
Retirement
Rob Kelley (2003) The complete guide to creative retirement [TurnKey Press, Austin TX]
Maryanne Vandervelde (2004) Retirement for two [Bantam, New York]
Sara Yogev (2002) For better or for worse, but not for lunch [Contemporary, Chicago]
Romance
Carol J Bruess & Anna D H Kudak (2008) What happy couples do [Fairview Press, Minneapolis, Minnesota]
Sacramental marriage
Peter J Elliott (1990) What God has joined [St Paul, Homebush, NSW]*
Separation
Dally R Messenger (1994) So, mum and dad have separated [Dally M Publishing & Research, Melbourne]
Diana Shulman (1996) Co-parenting after divorce [Winnspeed, USA]
Sexuality
Bettina Arndt (2009) The sex diaries [Melbourne University Press, Melbourne]
Philip Cauthery and Andrew & Penny Stanway (1983) The complete book of love and sex [Arrow, London]
Michael & Dorothy Clarke (1979) Sexual joy in marriage [ADIS Health Science, Sydney]
Alex Comfort & Susan Quillam (2009) The joy of sex [Crown, New York]
William Cutrer & Sandra Glahn (1998) Sexual intimacy in marriage [Kregel, Grand Rapids, MI]
James Dobson 1982) Marriage & sexuality [Kingsway, Eastbourne UK]
Charles A Gallagher, George A Maloney, Mary F Rousseau & Paul F Wilczak (1983) Embodied in love [Dove, Melbourne]
Mike & Joyce Grace (1980) A joyful marriage [International Marriage Encounter, St Paul MN]
John Gray (1995) Mars and Venus in the bedroom [Harper Collins, New York]
Rosalie King (1998) Good loving, great sex [Arrow Books, London/New York]
Tim & Beverly LaHaye (1976) The act of marriage [Zondervan, Grand Rapids MI]
Barry and Emily McCarthy (2009) Discovering your couple sexual style [Routledge. New York]
Steven E Rhoads (2004) Taking sex differences seriously [Encounter, San Francisco]
David Schnarch (2009) Passionate marriage [WW Norton, New York]
Michele Weiner-Davis (2003) The sex starved marriage [Simon & Schuster, New York]
Sole parents
Tom Beardshaw, Guy Hordern & Christine Tufnell (2000) Single parents in focus [Care for the Family, Cardiff, Wales]
Stepfamilies
Hilary Boyd (1998) The step-parent’s survival guide [Ward Lock, London]
Elizabeth Einstein & Linda Albert ( 2005) Strengthening your stepfamily [Impact Publishers, San Luis Obispo, CA]
Irene Gerrard (1989) Making stepfamilies work [Stepfamily Association of Victoria, Clifton Hill]
Claire Masurel & Dady Denton (2003) Two homes [Candlewick, Cambridge MA]
Margaret Newman (1992) Stepfamily realities [Doubleday, Sydney]
Theology
Christopher West (2003) Theology of the body explained [Gracewing, Herefordshire, UK]*
Kostenberger, A.J. (2004). God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the biblical foundations [Crossway].
Weddings
Andrew Brody (2007) Making the most of weddings [Church House, London]
Work & Family
Catherine Hakim (2000) Work-lifestyle choices in the 21st century [Oxford University Press, Oxford]*
Arlie Russell Hochschild (1989) The second shift [Penguin, New York] *
Arlie Russell Hochschild (1997) The time bind [Metropolitan, New York] *
Deborah Lee (1997) Having it all, having enough [Amacon, New York]
CONFERENCE PROCEEDINGS
Finian N Meis (ed) (1989) Life-long marriage: Is it possible [M & M Productions, Overland Park KS]
This is the publication of the Creighton University conference on marriage, featuring essays by Barbara Markey, Michael Lawlor, Marie Micheletto and others.
Bill Muehlenberg, Joseph Santamaria, Peter Westmore and Mary Helen Woods (eds) (1996) The family - there is no other way [Australian Family Association, Melbourne]
Proceedings of an international conference on marriage and family issues
Theodora Ooms (ed) (1998) Strategies for strengthening marriage: What do we know? What do we need to know? [Family Impact Seminar, Washington DC]
The proceedings of a roundtable which included Linda Waite, Bernard Guerney, Diane Sollee, Scott Stanley, Thomas Bradbury, Benjamin Siliman, Richard McCord, Ceridwen Roberts and Kevin & Margaret Andrews.
RESEARCH REPORTS
William J Doherty et al (2002) Why marriage matters [Institute for American Values, New York]
Leading social scientists outline 21 conclusions about why marriage matters.
W. Kim Halford (2000) Australian couples in millennium three [Department of Family and Community Services, Canberra]
A research and development agenda for marriage and relationship education.
Roger Harris, Michele Simons, Peter Willis & Anne Barrie (1992) Love, sex and waterskiing [Centre for Human Resource Studies, University of South Australia, Adelaide]
A book about couples’ experiences of pre-marriage education based on a national research project.
Michele Simons, Roger Harris & Peter Willis (199X) Pathways to marriage [Centre for Human Resource Studies, University of South Australia, Adelaide]
Why couples participate or not in pre-marriage education.
Michael G Lawlor, Barbara Markey, Lisa A Riley & Gail S Risch (2000) Time, sex and money [The Center for Marriage and Family, Creighton University Omaha NE]
The report of a national survey on the first five years of marriage
GOVERNMENT REPORTS
Commission on the Family (Ireland) (1998) Strengthening families for life [Stationary Office, Dublin]
An Irish report on strengthening marriage and family life.
House of Representatives Committee on Legal and Constitutional Affairs (Andrews Committee) (1998) To have and to hold [Parliament of the Commonwealth of Australia, Canberra]
The report of a Parliamentary Inquiry on strategies to strengthen marriage and relationships.
PERIODICALS
Marriage magazine [South St Paul, Minnesota]
A quarterly magazine from the US with practical articles about marriage.
www.marriagemagazine.org
State of our Unions [The National Marriage Project, University of Virginia, Charlottesville, VA]
An annual research report about the state of marriage in America.
www.virginia.edu/marriage project
Threshold [Catholic Society for Marriage Education, Melbourne]
The pre-eminent journal about marriage education.
thresh@bigpond.net.au
WEBSITES & E-NEWSLETTERS
Australian Family Relationships Clearinghouse [www.aifs.gov.au/afrc]
Australian clearinghouse for family relationship resources
For your marriage [www.foryourmariage.org]
Marital tips, resources and advice for couples.
National Healthy Marriage Resource Center [www.healthymarriageinfo.org]
A US clearinghouse for marital education resources.
Marriage Partnership [ChristianityToday.com]
An online Christian magazine about marital relationships
Smartmarriages [www.smartmariages.com]
A website and daily e-newsletter about marriage education news.
www.marriage.com.au A Fantastic Resource That Upholds Marriage!