Bickering

From The Independant

Bicker. It sounds so harmless – virtually a snicker, or a knicker, or a flicker, a flame so tiny as to hardly count. It is not like a row, which rhymes with "Ow!" and ends so abruptly. So the news last week that couples bicker on average seven times a day will bring more consolation than dismay to those for whom the complex business of living together is a constant mystery.

Triggers for a ding-dong, according to the insurance company that analysed the 2,455 annual bust-ups (what was its interest – do couples claim for ornaments thrown and smashed in anger?) are topped by the catch-all "not listening". Overspending is hard on its heels, but the fun starts with the 92 arguments, for passions clearly run high over dill, about what to have for dinner, and 91 accusations of driving too fast.

Other trouble spots include when to have sex (87 – it is not specified whether this concerns the hour, the day or the month), not closing cupboard doors (79), and walking past things that need to go upstairs (a spectacularly gratifying 90). Many of the flashpoints, if not the sex calendar, could be fixed by having staff. The good news is that neglecting to say "I love you" is much rarer than disagreeing over the choice of television channel or not emptying the washing machine.

When today's couples reach their platinum anniversaries, if local newspapers live to tell the tale, the secret of their long partnerships will be out: give and take – and many a cross word.